Why Won't Ben Vereen Get Out of My Head?

I haven't been writing much these days. My brain feels full. After a little more than a year of being back in my hometown, I still don't really feel at home. It is interesting to me how relatively easy it was for me to move, over and over again, to new places where I knew few, if any people, and how I much I enjoyed "forging" a life in new environments. Ofcourse, I was mostly moving for theatre -- either to go to school, or to work, and so I was meeting like-minded people. There were classes and meetings and rehearsals and productions, all of which occupied our hearts and our minds almost 24/7. It felt at times as if we were all on a great quest. We knew that making a life in the theatre/arts was foolish by most peoples' standards, but most of us felt that we had little choice -- theatre was "in our blood".

And then my dad died, and it was if a "switch" was turned off in me -- everything stopped. Or I should say, I stopped -- and everything else around me kept moving, often at what seemed to be break-neck speed. I had stepped off the proverbial merry-go-round. I haven't really been able to get back on since.

And so here I am. No costumes, no sets, no scripts, no characters to hide behind, and I feel like I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. It's a big, fat cliche', I know, but I've always really felt more "myself" on the stage, in the rehearsal room, or even in front of the classroom, than I ever have in "real" life.

I first saw "Pippin" when I was 16 or 17, I think. It came through town and played for two weeks ( Robbie from the TV show "My Three Sons" played Pippin - he was really good!) --I saw it three times during those two weeks. "Pippin" was to me what "Rent" was for the young people of the 90's, or what "Spring Awakening" has been for many young people today -- it spoke to my restless, yearning young self who wanted least of all to live an "ordinary" life.

I'm a tad embarrassed to admit it, but it still speaks to me today.