One Big Happy Family

I haven't written here forever -- almost a year. I have a list of things to write about, scribbled on a post-it and stuck on a little cardboard "Fairfield Federal Savings and Loan" desk calendar that Onion's mom insists we take home with us every holiday season. But this writing thing takes time - at least for me. I'm not very quick, and by the time I sit down to write about one topic, 3 or 4 more have cropped up in my head. So, what possessed me to get back on this old blog and spend a few minutes bending your cyber-ears?

The Chick-Fil-A Incident. The Aurora shooting. The Sikh Temple shooting. Yeah, I know...you're probably tired of hearing about all of it. Tired of the debates & discussions that go nowhere. The Olympics are on, for God's sake! Can't we just rally together and watch our athletes kick some international ass and forget about the chicken and guns already?

 I can't. Actually, I literally can't, because for some strange reason DirectTV does not get local channels where we live (and "rabbit ears" antenna doesn't work -- we tried). Ofcourse, I read about what's going on online, and Onion keeps me informed (he's currently at his mom's -- he said he went to check in on her -- she's 88 and lives alone -- but I think he went because he knew he could watch the Olympics there), but I'm finding I just can't get too excited about the Olympics this time around. I know the athletes are amazing and inspiring (though somehow, sitting on the couch watching them perform amazing feats of strength, flexibility and power only makes me feel more like a slug than I usually do). I know it's good for us as a country to "come together" to cheer on our "team", but somehow it all just feels like a diversion to me. Like a desperate family vacation where we all drive off in a station wagon, determined to have fun and be a happy family, when in fact mom & dad are on the verge of divorce over dad's indiscretion with the babysitter, and Jr.'s bookmarking neo-nazi websites on his computer.

 A lot of people seem to be holding on to their guns and bibles with sweaty, fearful fists.

We can't have any kind of real discussion about guns because it automatically turns into cries of "an armed populace is the only protection against tyranny!" You can almost hear the furtive whispers around the sturdy wooden table by the hearth, where the men drink mead from steins and and stockpile weaponry,ready to grab their tri-corn hats and their muskets at a moments notice and ride into the night, crying "Freedom from tyranny!". Some people seem to live in hope of another revolutionary war, or civil war -- to die fighting for freedom! and liberty! (of course, these folks could also enlist right now, and possibly have that great honor). World War II was probably the last war that we really HAD to fight, and God knows the men and women who did performed a great and honorable service for our country and for the world. I also admire and respect any person who has fought in any of our subsequent wars, as unnecessary or as suspect as these wars may have been/might be -- I am not about to disrespect some young man or woman who wants to perform a service for their country and believes the military is the best way to do so. But as long as we as a culture continue to glorify war (and violence in general) -- as long as we insist that "might equals right" and we are indeed the Mightiest -- we're going to continue to have gun violence. Angry and alienated white guys (who are responsible for the vast majority of mass shootings) are going to continue to grab their guns and fight against their own brand of "tyranny" with a blaze of bullets.

We can't have any kind of real discussion about marriage equality because it turns into cries of "you're trampling on my religious freedom!". I was "eavesdropping" today on a facebook conversation between a friend of mine (very liberal) and one of his friends (seemingly not so liberal. Note: sometimes the newsfeed thing on facebook makes me feel a little like Harriet the Spy). The not-so-liberal friend of a friend seemed like a very nice young woman who was respectfully and earnestly trying to explain that she didn't hate homosexuals, but she follows the bible and the bible clearly says that homosexuality is an abomination. She also actually said that she didn't want to live in a secular democracy -- she wanted to live in a democracy as the "founding fathers intended" (which seemed to mean to her a democracy guided by the Christian bible). So essentially, she wants to live in a theocracy -- (but a Christian theocracy, not one of those evil Islamic theocracies). And because she -- and all of those like her -- insist on cherry-picking passages from an old, silly book (because yes, there are some lovely passages in the bible -- some truly inspirational ones -- but there's also a lot of silliness. It was written by men. Sometimes I think some parts could have been written by Monty Python) and demanding that we ALL respect certain particularly silly parts of this sometimes-inspirational book, gay folks cannot legally marry. Christians -- who are the majority -- are crying about THEIR rights? Oh please, cry me a river.

 I generally don't refer to those who are against marriage equality as "haters" -- I really don't think they "hate" homosexuals. At least, most of them don't. I think they're probably mostly very nice people who live very narrowly defined lives -- often defined by their churches and the bible and what the like-minded people around them expect them to do and be. They strive to be "normal", not really knowing what that means, and anything that falls outside of their very narrow frame of reference scares the shit out of them. They don't "get it", and that makes many of them feel angry and stupid and then really angry. And then scared that the world is changing, and they don't like it. We all get scared about stuff -- that's human. But two people of the same sex loving each other and wanting to spend their lives together? I just don't get what's so scary about that.

Frankly, marriage equality shouldn't even be a discussion -- it should just be a right. There is no valid "other side". No one is suggesting that churches must marry gay couples -- churches can go on preaching that it's a sin until the end of time if they want. No one is suggesting that Christians must personally support homosexuality (new law: all Christians must attend at least one gay wedding per year). But Christians should NOT have the right to block two consenting adults from LEGALLY marrying simply because it goes against THEIR religious beliefs. Marriage is not just a spiritual contract (and indeed, it doesn't have to be a spiritual contract to be valid) -- it is a legal contract as well. It is a legal contract primarily. It need not involve a church, or religion, at all.

 So we have one group of decent human beings who are scared, and holding on to their bibles and guns for security. And another bunch of us decent human beings who are trying to "talk these folks down", and not having a whole lotta luck. And in the meantime, we have some American Olympians kicking some ass, and Curiosity landing on Mars, and plenty of other stuff to occupy our hearts and minds. Which is great. But one of these days, the vacation is going to end, and we're going to have struggle our way through our differences. Through our fear.

 I just hope it's not during the Winter Olympics. I hope by that point to be getting local channels, and I love watching the figure skaters.